12 Secrets to Getting Over a Break Up

When we talk about a break up we don’t talk about how positive they can be, we focus on how horrible they are.  I was in a relationship on and off for 9 years and when it ended it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me.  So if you are reading this and you are pre break up, mid break up or even post break up this post is for you.  The best place to start with a break up is changing your thought about a break up. It’s positive, it’s change, its a new new beginning and most importantly is a new you. Getting your heart broken is the best way to start over and make life you will never need a vacation from or break up with. It’s easy to say this now that I’ve moved on but the process was hard and so I wanted to make a list of things that helped me get to this a better place. Here the are…

1. Cry, scream and be all the emotions and what I mean by this is feel all the emotions. You can’t move on if you push things down and never address them. Be good to yourself and give yourself time. It’s gonna be a bumpy road, emotions will come and go but this will be the  best thing to ever happen to you and one day you will wake up and the shadow will be gone and you will be happy again. I know you’re asking the biggest question just like when Carrie got her heart broken by Mr. Big for the millionth time. You know, Carrie from Sex in the city, she asked “When will I laugh again?” Miranda responded “When something is really funny.” That’s how being happy will be one day, it will just click. Till then move on with the rest of this post. 

2. Make a list of all the things that annoyed you, get specific about the guy and the relationship. This is a great list to have on your phone so when you feel like texting him or you hear a song you both loved you can read the list and remember why you broke up. And when the time comes and you’re with someone new it’s a great way to compare the new guy with the old and make sure they are nothing alike. Who wants to make the same mistake twice. Am I right?

3. Make a list of all the things you love about yourself and your life. Self worth is the most important thing anyone can change. If you don’t like you then who really wants too. This list can be hard in the beginning, try to be very specific and keep adding to the list and read over this list every time you’re sad or not feeling like you are enough. Everyone has good qualities and has talents, appreciate yours. One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is “You are YOU and that is your power.” Embrace your power and embrace your uniqueness. Which leads me to the next point. 

4. Change your self talk and a world of disappoints will turn into a reality of winning. Words are important they all have meaning and truth. How is it  the nicest people often treat themselves the worst? I came to find that I was quite rude to myself  so it let me to take  the negative challenge and I replace I can’t, I won’t, I’m sorry and no; I replaced it with yes, thank you, I can and I will. Makes a world a difference. One of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland and it’s because she tries to do 6 impossible things before breakfast. And with a mindset like that the world is yours. Be nice to yourself and say nice things to yourself. If you need some motivation or an example of affirmations click here. You will not be disappointed.

5. Start working out, even if it’s just a walk with your dog everyday or starting a new class at the gym. Get out and get your body moving there are so many studies that state walking is good for your brain. There is a form of therapy called EMDR and it focuses on changing your thoughts and memories while using both sides of your brain. It’s an amazing way of therapy because you are not talking your way through your problems and getting obsessed. you actually never tell your therapist what it’s about and you work through your thoughts and memories replaces them with less dramatic more positive feelings. I recommend it to anyone wanting to heal from any past traumas.

6. Try new things and meet new people, have you always wanted to take an art class? Or learn how to dance? When you are at work what do you wish you could be doing? When get home, DO IT! Scared to do something is the best sign that you need to do that very thing, so DO IT. When I was moving on from my past life I made a choice to always say yes. My world had gotten so limited like the relationship I was in.  When you get scared take that as a personal challenge to do it. Always say yes. You will be surprised of the thing you can accomplish and the people you will meet along the way.

7. Go on vacation, traveling is the best thing for a broken heart. We forget that life is more than the bubble we live in. It’s a huge world and it will bring things into perspective plus you have so many memories to bury the past with which in the end will help you to move on. 

8. Read self help books and listen to positive podcasts. I know it’s cheesy but there is good stuff in others experience and advice. Heck, you wouldn’t be reading this post if you didn’t want to change yourself so get obsessed with being better, feeling better. Even trying to better yourself can help you feel better. So get to it, I love The Motivational High Five but find what works for you.

9. Re establish friendships with friends and family. Bad relationships lead to break ups which then have unfortunately put our loved ones as collateral damage. Re-establish those friendships and like I said before don’t be scared to make new ones.

10. Focus on finding out what you really want from life and create goals and ways to achieve it. Are you happy with your job? No? Change it. Do you hate where you live? Yes? Move. You only have one life to live to get living it instead of surviving it. You don’t like something change it. And keep changing it till you love it.

12. And finally upgrade on that relationship, this break up will be the hardest thing  ever do but the best choice you’ve ever made. There is someone out there that will make you look back at the relationship you just left and you will think how crazy you were to ever be so upset it ended. Find someone better, that fits you better, communicates better and has a similar love language as you.  We don’t look hard enough to find the people that will suit us best and possibly be our soul mates. So look because I can tell you by experience when you find them you will be happy. Life will be so easy and you will look back at your past relationships and laugh that you ever thought that was love. Don’t settle, your fairy tale does exists.

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Comment below and let me know what has helped you get over a breakup!

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